12/15/2004

Lemony Snicket

Tonight we saw the new Lemony Snicket movie. It was a screening to benefit 826 Valencia, one of my favorite places on earth. The movie was visually stunning, and the lead actress (Violet) was very very good. I thought Jim Carey was excellent, too. But overall the movie was disappointing. The thing is, Daniel Handler is such a genius, so perfect in his tone, hovering between humor and despair, archness and pathos, that I suppose it's hard to imagine a director getting this right. Or a screenwriter for that matter. Also, my daughter was pissed off because the heroine does not save the day, like in the books, but rather her brother Klaus is the ultimate savior of his sisters. That irritated Sophie to no end. She felt betrayed since one of the things she loves about the book is the kick-ass female main character.

Still I'm sure it will be monstrously successful, and make everyone involved buckets of money. Since I love very much one of those involved, I'll be happy to see it succeed.

We came home to find our dog gone. It was only after Michael ran frantically out to the street that we realized that she had not run away. No. Fanny the Bernese Mountain Dog was not dog-napped.

I forgot her at the groomer.

I dropped her off this morning and never bothered to pick her up. Michael is convinced that the Department of Social Services (Canine Services?) is now going to put her into foster care and seek to terminate our doggie rights for neglect. I can't believe I did this. What kind of an awful person forgets a dog? I wish I could say I was just too busy, but in all honesty all I did today was story conference with Michael for three hours (working on the plot of his Kung Fu movie, Snow and the Seven) and play with Rosie and Abie. Oh, and I went to pick up my glasses, which were made with the wrong prescription, and took Rosie out for gummy cherries. And Heimliched her. Because you see, three-year-olds choke on gummy cherries. Actually, she choked, turned beet red, I smacked her between the shoulders, and she vomited saliva and gummy into my cupped hand. Not a drop spilled. How 'bout that for competent parenting? I can catch your vomit kids, that's how much I love you. Please don't take my dog away, I forgot to pick her up from the groomer because I was so busy carrying around handfuls of vomit.

492 Comments:

Blogger fiona said...

Thanks for the film review. I'm taking Adam and some of his friends to see it tomorrow for his birthday. Have you seen Ella Enchanted (?) yet? Any reviews for that?

And it's OK to forget the dog, it's when you start forgetting the kids at playdates that you have to worry - but only slightly!

December 16, 2004 at 2:29 AM  
Blogger menina said...

forgetting the dog eh?
uhmm... it can happen... I guess :P

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December 16, 2004 at 3:17 AM  
Blogger squarepeg said...

Forgetting a dog is hardly Shocking News in a blog named "Bad Mother." Rather, just more proof. ;)

Re: films-based-on-books: Rarely have I not been disappointed, unless it's been years since I read the book. I've decided a great book unfairly biases your perception of a film's quality. On the other hand, when I see a film I like, which I know is based on a book (which I haven't read yet), I anticipate a very satisfying read. But specifically about Lemony Snicket, the tone (as you described) is indeed unique and would be difficult to reproduce in film.

December 16, 2004 at 3:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"It's ok, Mom, Erik's dad will take me home" is probably the most memorable I-forgot-the-kid phone call I've gotten. I was deep in work and didn't notice that it was way past 5pm and on chess club after school days, Matan doesn't take the bus home.

it does haunt one for a long time...

Kris

December 16, 2004 at 7:48 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

PLEASE, more "I forgot the kids" stories. Seriously. They are making me feel infinitely better. I need them as a contrast to the groomer's horror.

December 16, 2004 at 8:32 AM  
Blogger Psycho Kitty said...

You know, if you'd left the dog in the carseat on top of the car, that would be one thing...
I would play up the Gummy Cherry of Death. Really, who can give you a hard time after a traumatic event like that?

December 16, 2004 at 10:07 AM  
Blogger TC said...

A friend of mine sent me a link to your blog today, with the comment, "This woman is so much like you, it's scary!" She was right. Although my specialty is non-fiction. And nobody's ever asked me to speak at the LA Times Festival of Books (where I heard you talk earlier this year; very nice job). And I only have two kids. And I'm still denying that I'm bipolar, despite the fact that I just published a book on the subject. ;-)

But, forgetting the dog at the groomer? Hah. You got nothing on me with the guilt, my new friend. Try forgetting to put the bunnies back in their hutch and then having your 7-year-old find their furry little remains scattered all over the backyard after the coyote gets to them before you can. Yeah. Not my best moment ever.

December 16, 2004 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

Oh. My. God. You win. YOU WIN. Bunnies. Coyotes. OY. What's your book called?

December 16, 2004 at 3:37 PM  
Blogger TC said...

Well, gee, now you've gone and twisted my arm. ;-) It's called Taming Bipolar Disorder, and it's published by Alpha Books, a subsidiary of Penguin, and the people who brought you the Idiot's Guide series. (During my research for the book, I had to keep explaining to people, "...but be assured that this is NOT going to be The Idiot's Guide to Bipolar Disorder!" It was done in conjunction with Psychology Today magazine.

I wrote it because my dad is bipolar I, and because I've been a science writer for years, so it was a perfect fit.

As for the bunnies, you're right. Oy. Also, vey. And if I knew how to spell "esmere" properly, I'd add that too.

December 16, 2004 at 4:31 PM  
Blogger lisoosh said...

Got to the car and strapped my two year old in after her gym class constantly thinking that I had forgotten something. I had, her infant brother in his car seat was back at the gym.
I knew that I had entered REAL motherhood the first time my daughter started retching and I held out my bare hands to catch the vomit, no paper towel or anything. The other sure sign is picking up and smooshing spiders with a Kleenex despite rampant arachnaphobia because that will make your child feel better. Plus I don't have the time or emotional energy to be scared any more.
I refused to watch the movie version of "A Prayer for Owen Meany" because I knew that it could never be replicated and didn't want it to be ruined for me. I wish I had never seen the movie version of "The Princess Bride" because the book is so vastly superior.

December 19, 2004 at 7:36 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

Lisoosh! I once left my youngest in a Dreyer's ice cream parlor. A sixteen-year old, acne-faced counter person came running after me pushing the stroller, yelling, "Ma'am, did you forget something?"

Did you drive away? Can I use that in a book?

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I'd be honored if you used it.
No I didn't drive away but I did have my seatbelt on.
I know of someone else whose youngest was valeted away. As in left the child in the car, handed it off to the valet and entered a restaurant with their other kids. The empty seat at the table was a strong indicator that something was amiss.

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