Family Drama

There's been so much drama in my family today that I feel like a wet sponge slapping at the keyboard. I'm totally exhausted, and I've got one of those creeping headaches that make you feel like you're having dental work in your eye. Also, who the hell invented the whole eight nights of Hanukah thing? I am so goddamn sick of Hanukah. So sick of the "Just let me open one more present," so sick of the "It's my turn to light the candles," so sick of knocking down boxes for the recycling and digging packing peanuts out of the couch. Enough with this mercantile hell! I want to get back to ignoring my children!

I am pretty pleased, as many of you must be, by the Homeland Security fiasco. Mostly because I like the idea of a man's career being tanked by a childcare situation. And I like anything that makes Bush look bad. However, when is this country going to wake up to the ludicrous...

ugh. Wait. SKUNK!!! SKUNK OUTSIDE MY OFFICE WINDOW!!!! GAG. COUGH. RETCH.

Man, that's nasty. Where was I?

Right. Nannygate, part III. Look, here's the thing. It's really really hard to find a nanny. Even for us, and I pay twenty bucks an hour, plus healthcare (full healthcare benefits, Kaiser, not the crappy insurance we get from the Writer's Guild), a cell phone, two weeks vacation plus holidays and a Christmas bonus. Even so, it's incredibly hard for us to find someone who wants to do this job. It's no fun taking care of other people's children. Children are boring, they move their bowels thoughtlessly, and they don't wipe their noses except on your shirt. So it's seriously challenging to find childcare. I'm not going to take on that whole Caitlin Flannagan, Atlantic Monthly article. Read it if you want to. All I want to say is that if so many people are compelled to break the law, the answer should be that the law is wrong, not that we need to imprison every one of them. This goes for the upwards of 75 million Americans who smoke pot (Do you need to hear that number again? 75 Million.) and it goes for the who-knows-how-many millions of families who hire nannies with no papers. And let's not even talk about the women who are desperate for work, need these jobs, and do them well, responsibly, and with love. All the while getting puked on by my little vermin.