1/09/2005

Hypocrite?

I was a public defender. Not for that long, only a few years, but for long enough to have developed a sense of outrage at the costs imposed by the system on offenders.

Morally and legally, I believe Megan's Law is seriously problematic. I think our criminal justice system depends on a defendant being able to serve his sentence and then be released. I am aware of the frequency of unjust convictions. I am horrified by the routine violations of civil rights that plague our court and penal systems.

But I checked the Megan's Law webiste anyway.

I'm a mother of four. As most of you know, my children are 10, 7, 3, and 1.5 years old. I am as susceptible as anyone to the fears that accompany contemporary parenthood. I am terrified that my children will be harmed. My fears run the gamut from tsunamis to pedophiles to car accidents and plane crashes.

In my zip code there are 11 registered offenders. Some of these men likely fall into the category of offenses I would not concern myself with. For example, if an eighteen-year-old boy has sex with his fifteen-year-old girlfriend, he can be convicted for statutory rape. When I was fifteen I had boyfriends who were in the Israeli army. One coerced me into losing my virginity. The others were just boyfriends. I would even say I had the upper hand in at least one of those relationships. These guys were all between 18 and 22.

Some of the other 11 men listed on the website scare the shit out of me. There are two who were committed to long-term psychiatric care due to their sexual offenses against children. There are a couple who were convicted of "sexual penetration with a foreign object."

I tried out some other random towns. Mill Valley's got 8 offenders, Pasadena has 119. Ross doesn't have any. Just for the information of those not from the Bay Area, Ross is our little Marin enclave of fabulous wealth. Sean Penn lives there. And a bunch of other really rich people.

So what's a mama to do? Do we sell our house in Berkeley and buy a place in Ross for the same money? Not an option. While it's possible that a family of 6 can fit into a double wide, I'm not sure they'd let us park under the underpass for long enough to get the kids into the Ross school system. Do I stop letting my kids walk around the corner to the market where they can sign for an ice cream? Do I stop letting them have lemonade stands out in front of our house, complete with a tin marked "Tsunami Relief?" (Why else would someone pay a buck for a half a cup of cloyingly sweet lemonade made from the Meyer lemons on our tree and the entire contents of the sugar canister?)

No. I value my children’s independence too much. Moreover, it already makes me so sad that when my kids go out and play there's no one for them to play with, even on our street where kids live in almost every house. When I was a kid, we roamed the neighborhood, getting tootsie rolls from the lovely young woman in the wheel chair, playing war on the dirt hills above the busy main street, making faces at the mean dogs behind their fences and petting the nice dogs that ran along with us. These languid child-centered afternoons and evenings are the sources of some of my most important memories. I can still remember the feel of the wind in my hair as I rode my bike down to the Kentucky Fried Chicken to get 1/4 regular and a biscuit. (I was an suburban kid with a taste for junk food, what can I say.) The idea of Sophie saddling up her bike and riding down to College Avenue for a donut strikes me as absurd, but she's the same age as I was back then. I can't deny my children the independence and fun of my own childhood. I can't constrict their lives because of my fear. There are statistically no more child abductions now then there were in the 1970s. The difference is that now I can plug my zip code into the Megan's Law website and confirm my worst fears and anxieties.

I won't do it anymore. I will teach my kids to holler, "Mama" as loud as they can, never to get into anyone's car, even if invited by a man who says he needs them to help take care of his sick puppy. But I won't hem their lives in so much so that they have no idea what to do with an empty Sunday afternoon when I've forgotten to book a playdate.

Zeke and his friend Jack are out in the yard, in bathing suits, having a Super Soaker fight. It is 53 degrees out there, and only an insane person would prance around in a wet bathing suit. An insane person or a seven-year-old boy. Any minute one of those 11 pedophiles (as defined by the statute) could walk by my house and snatch the boys. (If Fanny, our huge Bernese Mountain dog, would let him). But I can hear them laughing hysterically, screaming with feigned rage and hysterical glee. I remind myself (again) that they are safe, that they are having fun, that the risk of danger to them is the same as it was to me when I rode my bike around my neighborhood, pigtails flying, leaving a trail of KFC grease in my wake.

501 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a therapist, and spent 6 years working with sex offenders, albeit teenage sex offenders. No one knows better than me the near impossibility of rehabilitating a sex offender. Personally, although I think there could be much improvement as to how levels are assigned and who needs to register, I think the registry is important.

That being said . . . I also think you have an incredibly healthy (and rare)perspective on the situation. You can't keep your kids 'perfectly' safe, and even if you tried . . . it's not worth the cost. There are many dangers out there, but they are often exaggerated . . . how much control do we really ever have over life, anyway?

I don't care what your blog is called. You are a Good Mother.

January 9, 2005 at 6:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is so strange how things change; even in the Midwest neighborhood where I grew up, the streets that used to be filled with kids are now empty. There are kids who live in the houses our neighbors children lived in, but they don't really go outside much to play. Even the large part at the elementary school across the street from our house is conspicuously empty, and nobody, adult or child, meanders on the jogging trail alone.

My mother tried to keep us "safe" by hiding the reality of life from us and trying to fill us with her own fear. I'm glad you aren't trying to do that. Just by giving them a balanced view of the world, you are helping to keep them safe.

k
147 offenders in my zip code

January 9, 2005 at 7:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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January 10, 2005 at 3:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The danger is not someone snatching your child necessarily, but seducing your child or hurting them under the guise of being a coach, etc.

Your attitude is great, but for those of us who spent the earlier years being molested and raped, it is nice to be able to make sure that nice man on the corner who likes to read the paper while watching the kids play is not a CONVINCTED sex offender.

Information is power, even if it's only the power to know.

That Girl at That33Girlie@diaryland.com

January 10, 2005 at 8:38 AM  
Blogger frumyid said...

I don't understand. Why would you want to live in the area that has so many offenders? Can't you make them move out?

January 10, 2005 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

How would you force someone to leave, and where would they go? I'm actually all in favor of commitment of incorrigible sexual predators, since I believe that unlike other offenses, rehabilitation is not possible. But not all offenders would qualify for that, and those people have a right to exist, don't they? I live in a wonderful neighborhood in a great city. I would never move for this reason.

January 10, 2005 at 10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's some more fodder for your discomfort with the registry.

Intellectually I believe these things do nothing more than feed already overblown fears about crimes by strangers against children. It seems like the public discussion about these registries all about potential child victims -- why not about the vulnerable adult women living in proximity to all these rapists? And why don't we have registries for burglary, car theft, domestic violence, etc., so we can protect ourselves against neighbors and potential dates?

But emotionally, now that I have a perfect and innocent and angelic (yadda yadda) child of my own to nurture and protect -- well -- I felt that seductive and righteous frisson as I called up the pictures and profiles of all registered offenders in my ZIP code (59!).

Still, I don't think that my heightened fear and access to mug shots make my son any safer.

And re: the cloth vs. disposable thing. Here in L.A., the landfill issue is eclipsed by issues of water scarcity and air pollution, so I am pretty much guilt-free about using disposables. And unless the cloth-diapering folks are only washing those dipes in recycled water with 100% environmentally friendly substances and drying them on a clothesline -- well, they've got nothing to be holier-than-thou about. Personally, I think the key to the diaper problem (and accompanying diaper guilt) is some kind of recyclable/compostable diaper.

January 10, 2005 at 12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whoops, meant to sign that comment -- Veronica

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Having just become the mother of a convicted sex offender, I can tell you that it really hurts from this side. My son fell for a 15 year old whose mother let him move in with them, and was going to sign for them to get married in December when the girl turns 16. I am NOT saying that my son didn't do something incredibly stupid as well as illegal, but to be a registered sex offender for the next ten years while people who see his face on the state web site will think he is a child molester just seems horribly wrong! At the very least, the states should give information on the age of the child. I will just die if someone somewhere hurts or kills my son because of what they THINK he is!

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