1/07/2005

A Hassid and A Heretic

So this is interesting. A Hassid and A Heretic is one of many blogs kept by outwardly Hassidic (ultra-Orthodox) Jews who are harboring doubts about their faith. Next time someone asks me about the benefits of the Internet, remind me to mention this. Finally, instead of struggling alone, people like this man have an outlet for their feelings, their questions. More importantly, they have a community of similarly struggling folks.

Cool.

My father once told me that if I ever became an Orthodox Jew, he would sit Shiva for me. (OK, for those of you who don't get the joke, he would treat me as if I'd died. When that comment is made it's usually about marrying a non-Jew.) The idea of me donning a wig and refusing to eat at his house horrified him. Frankly, I feel the same way about the prospect of my children becoming Orthodox, although I am "tolerant" and "open-minded" and would thus have to chew on my tongue and crochet Yarmulkes for my grandchildren. I abhor fanaticism of any kind, except fanatical support for progressive politics. That I'm all in favor of. Unless you're trying to bitch me out about buying disposable diapers. Which happened once in the grocery store. I was picking up disposable swim diapers for a trip to Hawaii and some woman looked at me disapprovingly and said, "You know, you can get those in a reusable form." To which I replied, "Really? Because I was hoping to spend my vacation rinsing shit out of my baby's diaper. Thanks for the tip."

I digress. Where was I? Oh, right. The Orthodox. When I was in college in Jerusalem (junior year abroad) I worked in a Laundromat. We did the wash for a couple of yeshivas. Twice a week the boys' clothes would arrive. Clothes they'd worn under wool suits in the blazing Middle Eastern sun. Fragrant. Delightful. I used tongs to empty the laundry bags. I might have developed my aversion then. I know there's a lot to admire in the Hassidic community -- support, companionship, etc. I even wrote a novel about it. But still. I'd rather the kids married in the faith. My faith. Doubt, perversity and self-loathing. Now that's a religion I can get behind.

62 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey,
I wondered where all the hits came from today. Most of the readers on my blog are Shomer Shabbos. Anyway, thanks for your kind words.

About the Laundromat, it might’ve been me. lol… only I’m sure it was once in two weeks not twice a week.

January 8, 2005 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger M-n said...

Don't forget about all of us other heretics. I have a fairly long list (and growing!) on my site.

January 8, 2005 at 9:06 PM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

Why are chassidim fanatics? Because they are upholding a centuries long tradition that reform and conservative Jews don't like because their watered down Judaism is so much easier to take? Perhaps all Jews now, with the exception of the heretics, would still be chassidem or some other sect of orthodoxy. But the it was more important for the Jews of Amercia to assimilate and look and act like everyone else here. Let's just make it EASIER to be Jewish. Don't worry about keeping Shabbos. OR keeping kosher or keeping the laws of family purity. You are still as Jewish as the lady wearing a wig or the guy wearing tzitzis. (of course, this is true if your mother is Jewish. You don't have to keep all the laws to be considered Jewish and no one is "more Jewish" than anyone else) But as much as everyone loves Fiddler on the Roof, they think tradition is very quaint, but anitiquated. It's a different time now. The Torah didn't know about cars and malls and fast food and all those "nice" goyim out there that our kids can marry because they "love" them.

You should know that I spent 10 summers at Camp Tawonga (have you heard of it?). That is my background. That is where I'm coming from. I only became frum in my middle 30's. Once I learned the truth, I had to keep the laws. Doesn't matter that I have always gone to shul on holidays and Shabbos. No conservative rabbi was ever able to instill the enthusiasm and love of Judaism in me and my husband as a chassidic rabbi.

And by the way, my father's work clothes are pretty stinky. He works with his hands and is quite dirty and sweaty and eats on Yom Kippur. What about Muslim women wearing berkas? Don't you think they get hot and sweaty and stinky under them? Would you ever admit to that?

And what book did you write about chassidim? I'd love to read it.

January 9, 2005 at 8:24 AM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

And by the way, if you read my blog, you'll see that you and I are more alike than different, even if I do wear a wig and go to the mikvah and my husband wears 3 layers of clothes in the summer.

January 9, 2005 at 8:25 AM  
Blogger ayeletw said...

No one is ever as self-righteous as a convert. :)

January 9, 2005 at 1:58 PM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

That was smug of you and an easy way to avoid what I said.

And I never said I converted. (typical way for die-hard liberal Jews to look at someone who has become frum) I said that I learned the truth about Judaism.

January 9, 2005 at 3:05 PM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

The reason Jews (who are not frum, yet!) say that frum Jews who were not born frum, converted, is because the non-frum Jews don't like to think that they all practice the same religion. Thus, the conversion from mainstream Judaism into something completely different. My sister always talks about "my religion" when she is talking about me being frum.

My parents, who are not frum, often start in that they are good Jews, too. Who ever said they weren't? Of course, they must have done something wrong in raising me if I had to go off the deep-end.

All I really want to say is that reform and conservative Judaism is convenient. It's easy. Nondemanding. Sure, there are people who throw their lives into their synagogues. And that is great. But first throw your life into G-d.

I know I probably sound self-righteous. It's just because I'm online. In person, I'm very low-key. It's my husband who is out to "convert" Jews to Judaism. Personally, I think any involvement with a synagogue is good. It's a good start, that is. As long as a Jew continues to grow in his/her Judaism. Learning and taking on the responsibility of more mitzvahs, then her/she is doing what he/sher should be doing. As long as a woman lights Shabbos candles, that's great. Start with that. Just keep adding on.

January 9, 2005 at 3:28 PM  
Blogger Rahel Jaskow said...

Yetta, I became religiously observant at the age of twenty-one and had wanted to do so since age five. Like many latecomers to Jewish observance, when I started I wanted to do it right, and I still do. I was, and continue to be, enthusiastic about my choice. Yet there is one thing I've always been wary of, and still am today: the idea of trying to convince others that a religiously observant lifestyle is the One and Only Right Way. As I get older, I realize more and more that there is no such thing, only more questions. Also, the more I study the more I find that halakhah -- Jewish law -- is not monolithic, and that a lot of the things I took for granted when I was first starting out are not as black and white as I was taught. If you study the origins of the custom of lighting Shabbat candles, for example, I think you will be very surprised. I know I was.

For me the mitzvot are ways to connect to God -- communication channels, if you will. (And yes, it is perfectly permissible according to Jewish law to write out the word "God" in its entirety.) And while I realize that there is a whole universe of Jewish knowledge and experience that I missed when I was younger and that I think it's worthwhile for Jews to learn about, I'm hesitant about trying to convince anyone that my way, or any particular way within religion, is the only way to go. "Shiv'im panim la-Torah" -- the Torah has seventy faces. God's ways are not our ways. We cannot know what is right for another human being. Only God can know that, and that very same all-knowing and all-powerful God gave human beings the power of thought -- and free choice.

January 13, 2005 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Anshel's Wife said...

Rahel,
That was such a nice post. I guess I'm not over that enthusiastic phase when I want all Jews to know what they are missing. I wasn't trying to persuade Ms. W as much as I was trying to show irritation with her stereotyping frum Jews. Chassidic Jews. Knowing a few chassidim and even hanging out with them does not give one full knowledge of the life.
I saved your blog as a favorite. I look forward to reading it. But just by reading a little bit, I can see that we will disagree on a lot of things. But you have such a nice way of saying things, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Gut Shabbos.

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