1/16/2005

David Brooks Discovers the Wheel!

Look what I found! It's round! It can make vehicles move!

Okay, maybe I'm being a little snide. And maybe I should just be grateful that any male commentator is discussing the challenges inherent in raising a family and having a career. (After all, we could be treated to another of Caitlin Flanagan's "I'm a wife and mommy and I've never wanted a career -- except for that gig at the New Yorker and please don't talk about my full-time nanny" diatribes.) But still, I couldn't help but greet Brook's column with a great big DUH. Allison does a terrific job of taking on the various implications of his fundamental point, so I'm not going to bother replicating her analysis.

Here's the thing. Let's say I had done what Mr. Brooks suggests. Let's say I had taken the following advice:


it might make more sense to go to college, make a greater effort to marry early and have children. Then, if she, rather than her spouse, wants to stay home, she could raise children from age 25 to 35. Then at 35 (now that she knows herself better) she could select a flexible graduate program specifically designed for parents. Then she could work in one uninterrupted stint from, say, 40 to 70.


What would my life be like now? Well, I'd be married to a very pleasant albeit, er, simple Israeli who, like my father, is missing the communication gene. I'd be wretchedly unhappy, as would he. I'd not only be wearing my bathrobe at noon on Sunday, I'd be living in the goddamn thing, because I would never be able to motivate myself to dress for the misery that my life had become. See, the big ol' problem with Mr. Brooks argument is that for the vast majority of us, marrying the person we are stupid enough to be dating at, say 23 (because shouldn't we be married for at least a year before getting knocked up?), would be a catastrophic mistake. And let's not even talk about your average 23-year-old American man, and how ready he is for marriage at that age. The whole idea makes me shudder. But wait, is Mr. Brooks saying that 23-year-old women should marry 40-year-old men? Is that the whole point of this column?

The truth is I actually do think we need to rethink the way we sequence careers. I always say that your profession can't be like a train that you get on at the bottom of the hill, ride for 40 years, and then get off at the top. We need to make room in our understanding of what constitutes a career for stopping and starting, changing trains, etc. Many women (and some men) are doing that. It's just that the employment world forces each individual to (if you will) reinvent the wheel. And they are almost always penalized for their choices.

555 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

as someone who (because of all sorts of my own fucked-up issues in wanting to be a good little girl, not knowing what more useful contribution to the world i could make than having children, etc.) DID marry the person i was dating at 23, i have to send out a resounding "amen" to your take on the scenario. i am now 26 and getting divorced. the guy was, to be kind, "wrong" for me. i wanted to die. and, interestingly enough, although i'm tres relieved we don't have kids, i feel guilty and like a big ol' faliure because i know i'm getting older and moving out of that desired child-bearing age-range. fucked up, much? yeah. anyway. i dearly hope my michael is out there somewhere.
--e

January 16, 2005 at 4:09 PM  
Blogger MB said...

I actually posted the fix a week ago after you last used the blockquote tag :-)

Simply place a [p] after the closing /blockquote (substituting < for the [)

January 16, 2005 at 4:12 PM  
Blogger lisoosh said...

My sister in law tried it the "Brooks" way. She took a simple bookeeping course after the army to tide her over and set herself to looking for a husband, a career would be a waste of time of course as she would have kids shortly.
Now 35 and still looking for that special someone she has no career, no home and no family and stubbornly resists trying to build a real life for herself as "it's easier when you are two" or the great one "I can't put a career before family". She did in fact find someone she liked in her mid twenties but he dumped her, one of those things that happens when you rely on other people to fulfill your wishes.
Ah well.

January 16, 2005 at 8:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister followed the Brooks plan almost to the letter. The only problem is that when she was 35, and nearing the end of the intensive child-rearing part of the plan, her husband abruptly left her (and the 3 kids) for another woman. Ooops.

Brooks obviously has been doing some deep thinking on this subject. He probably got it all figured out in an afternoon.

-Sandra

January 16, 2005 at 9:58 PM  
Blogger Fred Vincy said...

I'm sorry, but I don't see the inherent virtue in a "male commentator ... discussing the challenges inherent in raising a family and having a career" when the male commentator (or any commentator) treats this as a problem to be addressed principally by women changing their behavior to fit his idea of their self interest, especially one that as you point out is so fundamentally flawed. (As with many Brooks columns, this one is predicated on the unproven assumption that Brooks has some special ability to perceive what whole classes of people are "really like", a conceit that I find tedious, arrogant, and, frankly, offensive.)

Anyway, you might be interested in the reactions of my spouse and co-blogger, whose ideas on this have much in common with yours:

Seeing More Red: Brooks and Birth Dearth Baloney

January 17, 2005 at 2:40 AM  
Blogger ball-and-chain said...

Sorry to burst your bubble, but this idea is working well for me. Although, I decided to have four kids so I am still a few years away from the career part of my life. However, I did marry the guy I was dating at 22 and it was the best decision I ever made.

January 17, 2005 at 9:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This article reminds me of that book that was published a couple of years ago by a woman who said if you don't have babies by age 35, you can pretty much kiss having a child goodbye.

I liked Tina Fey's commentary to her book in a Weekend Update:

"According to author Sylvia Hewlett, career womem shouldn't wait to have babies because our fertility takes a steep drop-off after age 27. And Sylvia's right; I definitely should have had a baby when I was 27, living in Chicago over a biker bar, pulling down a cool $12,000 a year. That would have worked out great. But Sylvia's message is basically that feminism can't change nature - which is true, alright. If feminism could change nature, Ruth Bader Ginsberg would be all oiled up on the cover of Mac - but she's not.

Ladies, there's no reason to panic, though. It's out of your control, anyway. Either your cooter works, or it doesn't. My mom had me when she was 40, and this was back in the 70's, when the only fertility aid was Harley's Bristol Creme. So, waiting is just a risk that I'm going to have to take. And I don't think I could do fertility drugs, because, to me, six half-pound translucent babies is not a miracle. It's gross. I'd rather adopt a baby, I don't need a kid that looks like me. I was an ugly kid. I looked like a cross between that chick from the Indigo Girls and.. the other chick from the Indigo Girls. Not a cute kid, alright."


Jennifer

January 17, 2005 at 9:52 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

My bubble is hardly burst. I'm impressed and happy for you that it worked out well, however I'm pretty confident that your situation is less common than the other. For most people, the choices they make in love in their immediate post-adolescent years are not the best. I popped over to Fred's site and suggest you all follow the link. His wife analyses this far better than I could have.

January 17, 2005 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Thanks for pointing out the article.

Brooks' proposal is half-baked at best. A small tax credit isn't going to change how people make these sorts of fundamental decisions -- and if it did, it would mostly result in more poor kids.

I wrote more at:
http://elb.typepad.com/halfchangedworld/2005/01/if_it_were_that.html

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The U.S. Government is the nation's largest provider of financial assistance to women & minority owned small businesses. The U.S. Small Business Administration (SBA) is Congressionally mandated to assist the nation’s small businesses in meeting their financing needs. The SBA has small business loan programs and services to meet most small business needs. More information on U.S. Government Small Business Loans can be found at **www.SBASmallBusinessLoans.com**

How do Government SBA Small Business Loans work?

When a small business owner applies to a lending institution for a business loan, the lender reviews the application and decides if it merits a busiuness loan or if it requires an SBA guaranty. SBA backing on the business loan is then requested by the lender. In guaranteeing the business loan, the SBA assures the lender that, in the event the borrower does not repay the loan, the government will reimburse the lender for its loss. By providing this guaranty, the Small Business Administration helps tens of thousands of small business owners get financing they would not otherwise obtain.

How much money can I borrow?

Here are a few examples of what you can get from SBA small business loans programs:

7(a) Loan Guaranty Program

The 7(a) Loan Guaranty Program is the SBA's primary small business loan program. A maximum loan amount of $2 million has been established for 7(a) business loans.

Low Documentation Loan (SBALowDoc)

SBALowDoc is the SBA’s quick and easy program that provides a guaranty on small business loans of $150,000 or less. Once you have met your lender’s requirements for credit, the lender may request an SBALowDoc guaranty for up to 85 percent of the loan amount. You complete the front of a one-page SBA application, and the lender completes the back. At SBALowDoc centers, the agency processes completed applications within 36 hours.

SBAExpress

This method makes it easier and faster for lenders to provide small business loans of $250,000 or less. The SBA provides a rapid response through its PLP processing center in Sacramento, Calif.— within 36 hours of receiving the complete application package. Lenders use their own procedures to approve and service the loans.

CommunityExpress

The CommunityExpress pilot program is designed to spur economic development and job creation in untapped rural and inner city communities by providing loans and technical assistance. Loan proceeds may be used for most business purposes, including start-up, expansion, equipment purchases, working capital, inventory or real-estate acquisitions.
To be eligible for CommunityExpress, current or prospective small businesses must be located in low- and moderate-income urban and rural areas.

While CommunityExpress is similar to SBAExpress, here are some differences:

• CommunityExpress focuses on predesignated geographic areas that primarily low- and moderate-income urban and rural areas.

• The maximum loan amount under CommunityExpress is $250,000.

• CommunityExpress lenders, together with the National Community Reinvestment Coalition, provide hands-on technical training and support, both before and after loan closings, through community-based, nonprofit NCRC member organizations.

7(m) Microloan Program

The SBA’s Microloan Program provides very small loans up to $35,000 to small businesses and not-for-profit child-care centers through a network of locally based intermediary lenders. In addition to making the loans, the intermediaries provide management and technical assistance to microborrowers and potential microborrowers.

What can I use the loan proceeds for?

You can use an SBA small business loan to:

• expand or renovate facilities;
• purchase machinery, equipment, fixtures and leasehold improvements;
• finance receivables and augment working capital;
• refinance existing debt (with compelling reason);
• finance seasonal lines of credit;
• construct commercial buildings; and/or
• purchase land or buildings.

How do I repay the loan?

The length of time for repayment depends on the use of the loan proceeds and the ability of your small business to repay the loan.The term is usually 5 to 10 years for working capital, and up to 25 years for fixed assets such as the purchase or major renovation of real estate or purchase of equipment. There are no balloon payments, prepayment penalties, application fees or points permitted with these small business loans. Repayment plans may be tailored to each individual small business.

How do I get started?

You submit a business loan application to a lender for initial review. If the lender approves the business loan subject to an SBA guaranty, a copy of the loan application and a credit analysis are forwarded by the lender to the nearest SBA office. After SBA approval, the lending institution closes the business loan and disburses the funds; you make monthly loan payments directly to the lender. As with any loan, you are responsible for repaying the full amount of the loan. Visit **www.SBASmallBusinessLoans.com** for more info.

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