12/21/2004

A Troll of One's Own

Oh joy! I finally have a troll!

I was just complaining about my lack of trolls. Since I can't get my site meter to work, I have no idea if three people are checking the blog, or 300. But the fact that I have my very own troll makes me feel so great. It's like when I got all those horrible Amazon reviews. Someone actually cared enough to go after me!

Awesome.

I was whining about my lack of trolls to Michael when I saw him this morning. He felt like he absolutely had to see House of Flying Daggers, so I went into San Francisco and met him for a 10:30 AM movie. It was sort of romantic – a quick movie in the morning. I felt like his mistress and we were cheating on Ayelet.

I know I'm not supposed to respond to the troll, but I'm going to, because he/she makes a valid point. If I bitch so much about the kids, why the hell do I have so many of them?

So, first of all, of course I love my children. I feel the same gut-clutching bliss when I see Abie wobbling across the floor, his arms open and his little toes peeking out from his too-long pants, that most mothers feel. I let Rosie sleep with me, despite her constant (and I do mean constant) kicking, because there’s something delightful about her chubby arms wrapped around my neck in the middle of the night. She’s yummy, even if sleeping with her is like trying to bed down with a weasel.

I'm a sour, bitter bitch for a couple of reasons. 1. Because, well, I'm a sour, bitter bitch. 2. It's funnier. And 3. As an antidote to the aggressive marketing of the perfect-mother myth that we are subject to, and have always been subject to. The 1950s image of June Cleaver in her perfectly pressed apron has morphed into Gwyneth Paltrow all aglow, commenting on how being Apple's mommy is just the hardest and most amazing job in the world. What? You don't have a similar glow? Maybe it's because you don't have the emotional capacity of a true mother. It has nothing to do with the other things you lack. Nothing to do with, for example, the team of nannies, the personal chef, the full-time housekeeper, the private yoga instructor. (Let's not even bring up the 20 million dollars.) I talk about my negative feelings about parenting because if you do this parenting thing with any kind of focus, you're going to feel shitty sometimes. And the fact of most mothers' lives is that the burden falls most heavily on them. So I see it as my job to validate the nasty shrew in all of us.

Because, hey, someone's got to do it, and I'm so well-suited for the job.

347 Comments:

Blogger Mary said...

Maybe you were feeding a troll, but you nourished this non-trolling lurking mother in the process.

A big AMEN to all that and an even larger Thank You, Ayelet.



Signed,
Mary, taming her nasty shrew one blog reading at a time here. ;)

December 21, 2004 at 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Troll" is lurking.

It seems that you all love the renegade world of bad motherhood, and love patting each other on the back for being such negligent/forgetful/mean/oh so human parents ("ha ha aren't we funny, and bitter, and SO not PTA mommies..."), but like minions, you rush to protect your Leader (and of course, really, yourselves).

It is too bad that the simple question I raised out of genuine curiousity, not malice, can't even be addressed.

December 21, 2004 at 6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not the troll, I just didn't want to take the time to register.

I'm one of Ayelet's "lurkers" - yeah, you have those too Ayelet!

I thought she did answer the question. It sounds like she loves her kids and wouldn't trade a one of them. . . but that does NOT mean that she bounds out of bed full of energy every morning just breathless with wonder over what the little darlings will do next. Raising kids is like everything else in life: to get the love, joy and rewards you deal with a lot of boring and mundane stuff, and some that can be downright excruciating. I think her attitude is healthy because she's telling the truth - you don't have to agree with her . . . but I don't think you're quite getting her, either. I have so many friends who speak this way privately, but put on a different face in public "Oh it's so wonderful . . . blah blah . . . little darlings . . . blah blah." Keeping all those feelings bottled up, thinking that maybe you are the only one who has such awful feelings, gets you nowhere but to your very own prozac scrip.
Renee

December 21, 2004 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger elswhere said...

Um, troll? I think she *answered* your question.

Now, shoo! Go start your own blog!

December 21, 2004 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger Psycho Kitty said...

"Who's that stomping across my blog?" Is this a case of being careful what you ask for?
Honestly, anyone who actually *reads* your blog can see that you love your kids. I have yet to meet a loving mother who didn't need to bitch about her little darlings once in a while. And thank God for it! Otherwise we'd all end up feeling like trolls.

December 21, 2004 at 9:44 PM  
Blogger lisoosh said...

I was just struck by the fact that blogging and reading blogs are something like dating. You search for a little compatability, something in common, sometimes just flicking through blogger, sometimes checking out friends of friends. Eventually you hit on something that looks promising and go out on a few dates and either the interest fizzles or you start to develop an infatuation, checking in regularly to see what they are up to or if something has changed, that first blush of romance.

Congratulations you are now my latest crush.

December 22, 2004 at 6:42 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

Then the troll is someone you bonk and then look at and think, "Oh my god, what was I *thinking*?" Or perhaps the troll is someone who considers bonking *you* and then gets close and realizes he doesn't like women with such big asses, and instead of just slinking off to hit on someone else, he says, "Oh, by the way, your butt is way huge."

December 22, 2004 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger MB said...

Congratulation! A blog is not a blog without a troll under the bridge.

Most of our trolls are rightwingers who land on our site through Google or one of those "moderate" (yes, Allison, that means you!) blogs with lefties and righties on the blogroll. Those I just generally ignore, or delete them if they're particularly offensive.

Today, however, my old personal troll re-appeared, complaining that we would dare put up a book/toy wishlist for our kids, in case contributors would rather use that than send us $ through PayPal (we host our own servers, and are currently experiencing very high traffic due to the Koufax Awards.) But a simple IP check determined that my troll was local, a neighbor, in fact, well-known for her, uh, instability. Easy to ban, though I think she finally figured that as a DSL subscriber, she gets a new IP address every few weeks or less. Well, I'll be troll free for a while at least.

One reason I'm jealous of you all with non-political, more casual blogs is that you get to openly play whack-a-mole. For once I let my irritation run amuck, and feel somewhat guilty that my response will be seen as inappropriate. I definitely need to start a personal blog as well. Hmmm, how about Refrigerator Mother? (Ooh, better go reserve that name over on blogger.)

December 22, 2004 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger MB said...

I should point out that Teresa Nielsen Hayden of Making Light began the practice of "disenvoweling" her trolls, i.e., she leaves up the comment, but removes all the vowels.

I just returned to my blog to find my co-editor disenvoweled my troll. What joy.

December 22, 2004 at 11:16 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

MB, which blog is yours??? Your profile doesn't say....

December 22, 2004 at 11:57 AM  
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December 22, 2004 at 12:32 PM  
Blogger marrije said...

Oooh, disemvowelment is such fun! I love it when Ms Nielsen Hayden does that, and must confess that I read disemvoweled troll-posts with more attention than regular ones...

December 22, 2004 at 12:46 PM  
Blogger stephanie said...

Oh Ayelet, I love you! And, for anyone who's reading and not trying to pick a fight, it's obvious you love your kids! But no moment is perfect. I love my godsons/nieces/nephews to distraction- all 17 of them. But not all moments are perfect! I think it's marvelous that you can laugh at those not so perfect moments, and are inviting us to laugh with you :-)

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23. Top 10 Home Based Businesses - No website and no inventory needed.
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2. Affiliate Cash Vault - New fail-safe system virtually runs 100% on autopilot. Just set it and forget it!
3. Google Profits - How to Make Massive Profits Combining the Power of Google and CB.
4. Google Cash - Official Google Cash How to Earn Thousands Writing Google AdWords Part-Time updated w/ 24 videos.
5. BlogBlaster Submits To 2 Million Sites - Brand new advertising software submits to 2 million blogs!
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7. Instantly Increase Your Traffic & Sales - Instant Booster - Incredible Software increases your Income Instantly.
8. Fire Sale Profits - Discover the Secrets of Successful Fire Sales and How You Can Make A Fortune Selling Downloadable Products!
9. Easiest Way To Make $100+ A Day SwapClix - Instant Money Generator, Guaranteed Results, Work From Home Make Money Now! We Hide Your Affiliate Id! No Commision Stealing!
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12. AdBlaster Submits To 2,500,000 Sites - AdBlaster blasts to 2,500,000 Websites with just 1 click!
13. AdSense Gold-Your Fast Track To Profits - Triple your Ctr, skyrocket your Epc, track your clicks by search engine, referrer and more! Learn how to join the AdSense Elite.
14. 1stPromotion - Pro2 Mall & Portal - The Ultimate CB Mall & Affiliate Portal. The Only Mall That Gives You Total Control. Thousands Of Products, One Url.
15. The Google Ca$h Machine - Start Earning 15 Minutes from Now! Automatically.
16. The Article System - Content Generator - Instantly add targeted content to your website. Create pages that search engines will index to boost your traffic and profit!
17. Massive Targeted Traffic Guaranteed - Amazing Formula Allows You To Drive All The Targeted Website Traffic You Could Ever Possibly Want!
18. Google Adsense Secrets - Second Edition - Incredible Google Adsense secrets revealed by Pro who earns over $500/day - Breakthrough best-selling eBook - Instant download!
19. Make Big Money Taking Surveys Online - Get Paid $25.00-75.00 Per Survey Completed! High Conversions! Low Refunds!
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21. domain name registration and hosting - It offers much of all the domain name registration and hosting related products.
22. Cash Income - More than doubling your income.
23. Top 10 Home Based Businesses - No website and no inventory needed.
24. Egold - Open a free egold account here!
25. Online Payment Commission - Earn 4% commission 6 levels deep from online payments.
26. Daily Cash Sites - Daily cash sites for sale.
27. Easy Website Templates - 5000+ easy website templates for selling any product, save you 100s of hours.
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29. Bulk Email - Email millions now, promoting any products you wish.
30. Resell Rights - Get 6 millions people to invest $6 each, the maths is clear.
31. Bulk Email Marketing - Email 1000s of PayPal members daily for $12 per year.
32. Buy eGold - Among the cheapest rate on earth.
33. Top Business Opportunities - The best on offer, Act Now!
34. Family Income - Earn more for your family now.
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36. Search Engine Submission - Drive search engine traffic to your website.
37. Domains - Cheap domains for many countries.
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39. Auto Ad Submitter - Submit your ad on autopilot once and for all.
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42. SiteSell Website - Build websites that really sell.
43. Home Based Business - For a small tiny investment, you will be sharing in the billion-dollar online industries.
44. Domain Hosting Registries - Great site to get a good discount for your online store.
45. Netsuitestore - Among the greatest stores onlne.
46. Personal and Health care are equally important, bookmark these sites for your family:
47. Nutritional Supplements - Vitamin power nutritional supplements.
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49. Herbal Supplements - Natural is the best.
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51. Diamonds - Diamonds for eternity.
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January 6, 2006 at 9:40 AM  
Blogger Paul88888 said...

We Wish You A Very Happy New Year!

Good Life certainly demands a good income and that is our mission. Our desire is to provide families worldwide great opportunities to increase their income so that their families can be well cared for, give their children a good education or the things they enjoy most in life. The following sites are among the best on the Internet. ACT NOW! Also feel free to pass on these great sites to friends and relatives. You will be blessed a lot more by blessing others!
1. The Rich Jerk - Stop Being a Pathetic Loser.
2. Affiliate Cash Vault - New fail-safe system virtually runs 100% on autopilot. Just set it and forget it!
3. Google Profits - How to Make Massive Profits Combining the Power of Google and CB.
4. Google Cash - Official Google Cash How to Earn Thousands Writing Google AdWords Part-Time updated w/ 24 videos.
5. BlogBlaster Submits To 2 Million Sites - Brand new advertising software submits to 2 million blogs!
6. Brand New Adwords Software - Become A Super Affiliate Overnight! Software Finds Most Profitable Search Terms And Products For You!
7. Instantly Increase Your Traffic & Sales - Instant Booster - Incredible Software increases your Income Instantly.
8. Fire Sale Profits - Discover the Secrets of Successful Fire Sales and How You Can Make A Fortune Selling Downloadable Products!
9. Easiest Way To Make $100+ A Day SwapClix - Instant Money Generator, Guaranteed Results, Work From Home Make Money Now! We Hide Your Affiliate Id! No Commision Stealing!
10. Process Instant Rebates Online - Make Money Online! Low Refunds.
11. The Lazy Pig - Convert $1 To $85 - Undisclosed Revolutionary 7 Step Adsense Marketing System.
12. AdBlaster Submits To 2,500,000 Sites - AdBlaster blasts to 2,500,000 Websites with just 1 click!
13. AdSense Gold-Your Fast Track To Profits - Triple your Ctr, skyrocket your Epc, track your clicks by search engine, referrer and more! Learn how to join the AdSense Elite.
14. 1stPromotion - Pro2 Mall & Portal - The Ultimate CB Mall & Affiliate Portal. The Only Mall That Gives You Total Control. Thousands Of Products, One Url.
15. The Google Ca$h Machine - Start Earning 15 Minutes from Now! Automatically.
16. The Article System - Content Generator - Instantly add targeted content to your website. Create pages that search engines will index to boost your traffic and profit!
17. Massive Targeted Traffic Guaranteed - Amazing Formula Allows You To Drive All The Targeted Website Traffic You Could Ever Possibly Want!
18. Google Adsense Secrets - Second Edition - Incredible Google Adsense secrets revealed by Pro who earns over $500/day - Breakthrough best-selling eBook - Instant download!
19. Make Big Money Taking Surveys Online - Get Paid $25.00-75.00 Per Survey Completed! High Conversions! Low Refunds!
20. Search Engine Cloaker (since 1995) - We are proud to help our customers achieve number 1 rankings in all engines for 10+ years.
21. hosting - It offers much of all the hosting related products.
22. Cash Income - More than doubling your income.
23. Top 10 Home Based Businesses - No website and no inventory needed.
24. Egold - Open a free egold account here!
25. Online Payment Commission - Earn 4% commission 6 levels deep from online payments.
26. Daily Cash Sites - Daily cash sites for sale.
27. Easy Website Templates - 5000+ easy website templates for selling any product, save you 100s of hours.
28. Email marketing Email 700,000,000 free plus 100% resale rights.
29. Bulk Email - Email millions now, promoting any products you wish.
30. Resell Rights - Get 6 millions people to invest $6 each, the maths is clear.
31. Bulk Email Marketing - Email 1000s of PayPal members daily for $12 per year.
32. Buy eGold - Among the cheapest rate on earth.
33. Top Business Opportunities - The best on offer, Act Now!
34. Family Income - Earn more for your family now.
35. Profitable Business Opportunities - Already profitable websites for sales at great discount.
36. Search Engine Submission - Drive search engine traffic to your website.
37. Domains - Cheap domains for many countries.
38. Best Web Hosting - The best web hosting services you can ever find and much more.
39. Auto Ad Submitter - Submit your ad on autopilot once and for all.
40. Website Submitter - Submit your sites to millions, fully automated.
41. Traffic Booster - Boost traffic to your site instantly.
42. SiteSell Website - Build websites that really sell.
43. Home Based Business - For a small tiny investment, you will be sharing in the billion-dollar online industries.
44. Domain Hosting Registries - Great site to get a good discount for your online store.
45. Netsuitestore - Among the greatest stores onlne.
46. Personal and Health care are equally important, bookmark these sites for your family:
47. Nutritional Supplements - Vitamin power nutritional supplements.
48. Native Remedies - The ultimate source of energy and native remedies in the world.
49. Herbal Supplements - Natural is the best.
50. Anti Aging - For the young at heart.
51. Diamonds - Diamonds for eternity.
52. Diamond Jewelry - The best diamond Jewelry in the world.
53. Earn High Income - Search for the best and the most desirable for yourself.
54. Increase My Income - Act Now! Don't delay.
55. Online Income Opportunities - It is endless but to succeed, you must act upon it.

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