It's Amazing How Much You Can Care
I've been compulsively checking Chez Miscarriage for days, waiting to see if her surrogate lost the baby. It's odd, this storytelling over blogs. It's like a novel in many many parts, but the main character is someone who is real, and who just might email back if she has a moment, and doesn't get too many hits. I followed this delightfully acidic and charming woman's story for a while, and now I feel like I'm getting the happy ending I deserve (knock wood, kenehora, poo poo poo). Note that I said "I deserve" not "she deserves." Of course she's the one who needs the happy ending, but I'm so involved, the way one gets involved in a good book, that I feel like I'm personally invested.
posted by ayeletw @ 12/21/2004 03:06:00 PM
89 Comments:
I know exactly what you mean, Ayelet. I am NOT (as noted below) a particularly sentimental person, not one to get all teary at celebrity birth announcements or even the birth of my own son, but when I saw Getupgrrl's good news, I actually choked up.
And I felt ambivalent about it, because how much of it was genuine empathy for a genuine human being and how much of it was just the catharsis of a damned good narrative payoff, rendered in excellent prose?
Some of the comments on her site kinda squick me out from time to time, all this emotion and "friendship" projected on an anonymous blogger.
But maybe that's just the cynical misanthrope in me coming out.
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No, I totally agree with you (and how meta is *this* conversation???) about feeling a little weirded out by it. It's not friendship. We need a new vocabulary for the peculiar emotional relationship between a blogger and the, hello, TOTAL STRANGERS who end up becoming involved in her life. I have this thing with readers too. They often feel like they know me, and in a way they do, because Juliet is me in so many ways. But I don't know them. At all. I feel all sorts of good will, but this emotional relationship is entirely one way.
I suppose, then, we'd also need a word for the relationship between bloggers who read one another's blogs and, thus, have access to one another's running monologues on life. Because there's familiarity, there are good wishes, there's a sense of identification. It walks like a friend, it squawks like a friend. But is it really a friend?
It feels weird to me too. It would be good to have some new words; "this person whose blog I read" is a pretty cumbersome phrase.
I've become friends, or started to become friends, with some of the people whose blogs I read and who read mine. It's a little like being in the same class in school: you listen to what the other person has to say in class, you see their projects up on the bulletin board, and then maybe eventually you get to talking with each other and become actual friends rather than just classmates.
With bloggers like getupgrrl or dooce who have so many readers, it feels more like fandom, but with a crucial difference: most of the readers/commenters have their own forum, too, however small. You can't see or know anything about most of the people who read your books, but not only could getupgrrl e-mail back, she could click on the links to find the blogs of most commenters, and read *their* blogs, if she were so inclined (and if she had the time to read 300+ blogs). And if she did, she'd be a commenter or lurker on her commenter's blog, a guest on their property.
Even if grrl never visits anyone else's blog, the possibility changes the power relationship as well as the information flow. It makes the whole thing (rightly or wrongly) feel more intimate.
Oh my head is spinning from meta-ness...
Updating my blog (which has now lain dormant for many months, of course those being the months in which interesting things happened) showed me how much I value my privacy and how much I prefer being the voyeur over being the voyee(?). I learned a valuable lesson, that I didn't enjoy random strangers knowing my thoughts or having uncontrolled access to my life, I like having a little more control over who recieves which message. I also found the pressure of having to "perform" to be excessive. I was so busy trying to have interesting things to write about that I didn't have time to let interesting things happen to me.
So.....I have great respect for those of you who have the discipline to keep writing day after day and the enormous courage to open up your lives to complete strangers in this way. Thank you for allowing me to share.
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