12/21/2004

It's Amazing How Much You Can Care

I've been compulsively checking Chez Miscarriage for days, waiting to see if her surrogate lost the baby. It's odd, this storytelling over blogs. It's like a novel in many many parts, but the main character is someone who is real, and who just might email back if she has a moment, and doesn't get too many hits. I followed this delightfully acidic and charming woman's story for a while, and now I feel like I'm getting the happy ending I deserve (knock wood, kenehora, poo poo poo). Note that I said "I deserve" not "she deserves." Of course she's the one who needs the happy ending, but I'm so involved, the way one gets involved in a good book, that I feel like I'm personally invested.

382 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you mean, Ayelet. I am NOT (as noted below) a particularly sentimental person, not one to get all teary at celebrity birth announcements or even the birth of my own son, but when I saw Getupgrrl's good news, I actually choked up.

And I felt ambivalent about it, because how much of it was genuine empathy for a genuine human being and how much of it was just the catharsis of a damned good narrative payoff, rendered in excellent prose?

Some of the comments on her site kinda squick me out from time to time, all this emotion and "friendship" projected on an anonymous blogger.

But maybe that's just the cynical misanthrope in me coming out.

Veronica

December 21, 2004 at 3:24 PM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

No, I totally agree with you (and how meta is *this* conversation???) about feeling a little weirded out by it. It's not friendship. We need a new vocabulary for the peculiar emotional relationship between a blogger and the, hello, TOTAL STRANGERS who end up becoming involved in her life. I have this thing with readers too. They often feel like they know me, and in a way they do, because Juliet is me in so many ways. But I don't know them. At all. I feel all sorts of good will, but this emotional relationship is entirely one way.

I suppose, then, we'd also need a word for the relationship between bloggers who read one another's blogs and, thus, have access to one another's running monologues on life. Because there's familiarity, there are good wishes, there's a sense of identification. It walks like a friend, it squawks like a friend. But is it really a friend?

December 21, 2004 at 3:44 PM  
Blogger elswhere said...

It feels weird to me too. It would be good to have some new words; "this person whose blog I read" is a pretty cumbersome phrase.

I've become friends, or started to become friends, with some of the people whose blogs I read and who read mine. It's a little like being in the same class in school: you listen to what the other person has to say in class, you see their projects up on the bulletin board, and then maybe eventually you get to talking with each other and become actual friends rather than just classmates.

With bloggers like getupgrrl or dooce who have so many readers, it feels more like fandom, but with a crucial difference: most of the readers/commenters have their own forum, too, however small. You can't see or know anything about most of the people who read your books, but not only could getupgrrl e-mail back, she could click on the links to find the blogs of most commenters, and read *their* blogs, if she were so inclined (and if she had the time to read 300+ blogs). And if she did, she'd be a commenter or lurker on her commenter's blog, a guest on their property.

Even if grrl never visits anyone else's blog, the possibility changes the power relationship as well as the information flow. It makes the whole thing (rightly or wrongly) feel more intimate.

Oh my head is spinning from meta-ness...

December 21, 2004 at 6:39 PM  
Blogger lisoosh said...

Updating my blog (which has now lain dormant for many months, of course those being the months in which interesting things happened) showed me how much I value my privacy and how much I prefer being the voyeur over being the voyee(?). I learned a valuable lesson, that I didn't enjoy random strangers knowing my thoughts or having uncontrolled access to my life, I like having a little more control over who recieves which message. I also found the pressure of having to "perform" to be excessive. I was so busy trying to have interesting things to write about that I didn't have time to let interesting things happen to me.
So.....I have great respect for those of you who have the discipline to keep writing day after day and the enormous courage to open up your lives to complete strangers in this way. Thank you for allowing me to share.

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Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

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Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

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Lighten Up : Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious.

Night of Passion : Intimacy and passion in relationships is not only important but also healthy.

Cuddle Time : When couples first start dating, cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence.

Make the Women Feel Good : Just like men, woman love feeling good about themselves.

Showing Love : Although hearing the words, I love you is special and important.

Realistic Expectations : No matter how wonderful and flawless your mate seems, no one is perfect.

Go on a Date : Especially for married couples, but even for some dating couples, start dating.

Control Your Anger : Every relationship has difficulties, and sometimes, there can be some intense arguments.

I Forgive You : If something has happened in your relationship causing the trust to waiver, you will have many things to work through.

Day at the Movies : Have a movie marathon some rainy or cold Saturday.

Dinner by the Fire : Order in some of your favorite food, open a bottle of fine wine, light some candles.

A Day at the Spa : Show your appreciation for the hard work that takes.

Keep in Touch : It is important that you keep in touch with each other often.

Motivate Each Other : Find a mutual incentive that will motivate both of you.

Adore your Mate : Appreciate and love them for the person they are.

Make Eye Contact : Think back to the first time you saw your now mate.

Respect Privacy : When two people come together in a relationship, each person has their own set of history.

Be Flexible : There will be times when your mate is right and times when you are right.

Encourage Friendships : Men, unlike women, have a more difficult time in developing close friendships with other men.

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