Oh God, How Insanely BORING
Is it me, or could this column drop you head first into a coma? I'll admit to only reading parts of a few entries, so maybe the rest of them drip with the kind of biting cynicism that makes essays about parenting even remotely tolerable, but right now I can't keep reading because I have that ache in the back of your throat that you get when you've eaten an entire package of Starburst in three minutes or swallowed a teaspoon full of sugar just to see if it really would make the medicine go down.
Blech.
Maybe the problem is me. After all, this blog is called Bad Mother, not "Bringing Up The Charming and Adorable Waldman-Chabon Children." That's because they're not charming and adorable, especially not at 2 AM when they're wailing, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy, no! Mommy, no!" Or at 3:30 AM when they are still awake and practicing different ways of saying the word, "No," using tonal language as if they are little Chinese babies practicing their Mandarin. No? Nooo. NO! Naoo. Nuh! Etc. Neither are they charming and adorable when I dump them in their beds at 3:30 and lie to them, actually saying, "Abie, I'm just leaving you here for a minute. Don't worry, I'll be right back," when I have not the slightest intention of opening that door again until the little wretch’s sixteenth birthday. Nor are they charming and adorable when they wake up (a different one this time) just as I have collapsed into bed at 3:32, having deceived their brothers into going back into their cribs. Charming and adorable? Right. The better question is how can a three-year-old have such sharp little toenails, and was she awake or sleeping when she dug them into my back for the rest of the night, until I finally shoved her into her own room with strict instructions to play quietly with her Hamtaros and give me five minutes to rest. Just five minutes. Would that be so hard?
Then, of course, tonight I took the littles (as opposed to the bigs, who are in Kansas City with their grandfather, because having seen them like six times in their entire lives the logical next step was to invite them to stay for five days) out for dinner and as Abie ate one bean at a time with a very large spoon, he smiled his dopey little grin at me, with his one eyebrow, and I wanted to put him on the spoon and gobble him up, he was so damn sweet.
posted by ayeletw @ 12/20/2004 03:19:00 PM
97 Comments:
Mmmm, I have to disagree with you on this one. True, I don't get a lot of cynicism out of it (and Lord knows I like a little cynicism of a morning), but neither do I go into diabetic shock. I rather love it, in fact.
And...oh god...those Hamtaros terrify me. But if they get the toenails out of your back ...
Okay, I hate to be the one non-raving, cheering, dripping with enthusiasm, I-want-to-be-just-like-Ayelet-when-I-grow-up reader, but come on. Do you TRY to be cynical? Do you TRY to hate your children? And, if you are so keen on ignoring them, complaining about them, and picturing them as the ones who will take the bullet for your darling husband when he gets shot, why do you have four??? I think that is one of the main reasons I keep reading this blog (other than it DOES indeed make me laugh;; you ARE funny)--to figure out why you had four children when you barely enjoy their existence.
Ayelet --
Tom is right. DO NOT react to the troll. It only encourages them. Ignore them, erase their comments, and they go away.
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Wrrrrrreeeeeouhhhhh!!!
(Gutteral cat growl ending in a screech, feel free to correct the spelling).
thank god for nuance and ambivalence in the world at large (where we can find it these days) and in the world of writing. what else is there of interest to an actual living, breathing, thinking human being? why is it so difficult for some to accept? I want as many children as my body/fate/wallet/sex-life allow me, but i doubt i'll enjoy every minute of it. i do want to be ayelet when i grow up, dammit. i'll say it loud and i'll say it proud.
I've dipped into the "Bringing Up Ben & Birdy" series from time to time since Babycenter started pelting me with email, and I've always found it down-to-earth and highly readable. No cynical edge or particular wit there, but it's also blessedly free of saccharine idealism or child-worship, and provides a BTDT kind of perspective that's comforting to those of us without close friends or family who can relate to the experience of raising small children.
But then, I have a near-catholic taste in writing about parenting. If it's halfway intelligent and free of cutesy-cuteness, it's fine with me. Too much or unrelieved biting cynicism and I begin to wonder why I had a baby in the first place (this is not to agree with the troll above, just to explain why a thinking and unsentimental person might not despise everyday writing by an everyday mom).
BTW, I'm so glad to have discovered this blog (through a comment you left at Chez Miscarriage) -- I've loved your books and am happy to find you taking on such a variety of topics in this format.
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Ayelet, nothing to do with today's post, but I wanted to draw your attention to M.J. Rose's blog (http://mjroseblog.typepad.com/buzz_balls_hype) because she is asking for letters to Book Biz Santa, and I think you might enjoy the letters already submitted (and perhaps submit your own?). I've been enjoying them.
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Miriam, I'll put an email link on my blog. Sorry I haven't yet. I'm sort of new to this.
I FINALLY GOT A TROLL!!! I was just sitting at dim sum complaining to Michael that I had no troll...and now I have one. Wahoo.
OK, I'm going to give it to you, guys. Maybe there's more to these columns that I think. I mean, after all, so many people seem to enjoy them, and not necessary sappy types. I guess it's just a YMMV kind of thing.
One more thought -- just to illustrate what I mean about good writing about mothering not requiring cynicism, check out .
Writers like Dooce and are often sardonic, but many of their entries are simply lyrical, without the sickly sweetness of a bag of candy. I'd put you in this category -- your writing in this blog & elsewhere is well-seasoned with "biting cynicism," yes, but the main stuff of it is the best sort of lovingkindness.
Veronica
Yicch, sorry about the hyperlink mess up there -- I don't know what went wrong -- it looked fine in preview. Anyway, the 100%-cynicism-free but worthwhile mothering blog I was trying to hyperlink was Selkie, www.selkie.typepad.com
You should give Bringing up Ben and Birdy another chance. It is well written I think she echo's what a lot of mothers are feeling. I'm not one to post on anything, but I love Bringing up Ben so much I felt I had to comment.
I looove Catherine Newman's column. She's got many fans...but also many who misunderstand her writing. I thought this was only from the right, though. She's nuanced. Slow down a little and take her for what she is---subtly brilliant.
Imagine, if you will, subtly suspecting for many years that there was,perhaps, something wrong with your child -- and looking around, casting around, flailing wildly, as you tried to find any mother, any other parent who might be experiencing what you were experiencing -- a child that flew into four hour long rages, a child so sensitive to bright lights and loud noises, and touches and tastes that it seemed like he screamed nonstop, all the time. IMagine being alone alot, because your husband travelled, and trapped in an apartment with said child. IMagine what it felt like to be me at playgroup. Or preschool.
Or a birthday party. Or on Christmas.
And then imagine, that anywhere you turned to for advice and help and understanding and compassion, you got yet another of those Prozac moms with their ponytails and their visors, telling you how great it was to be a mommy, telling you how surely Ben must be gifted, because he's just so darned special, inviting you to spend more time making crafts with the screaming child. Meanwhile, you have a child who barely makes eye contact, and frequently steps over you like a piece of furniture.
For me, it's been healthy to visit blogs like this one (even after two of my children were diagnosed with a form of autism), to realize that no, I was not in fact crazy. There were other people, even those whose kids were 'normal' who found parenting challenging. The problem with the 'smug mommies' (as I will forever think of them) is that they think that their lives are great because they DESERVE it, somehow -- and if someone else is somewhat more burdened, or somewhat more ambivalent, then it's simply because they're BAD or UNDESERVING of the kinds of goodness that the smug mommies get.
There ought to be a way to link all the smug mommy columns togheter, so that they can only talk to each other.
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If you want a good website with alot of information on home businesses and resources check out home business career
Risk Free Program. No Selling Or Inventory. Call 1-800-719-8268 Ext.B0116
Great info. I have a cheap backordered domain
articles site. Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Dear administrator:
Some of our comments above may include links that are no longer valid or that do not have a nofollow value. They might very well lead you today to a third party. Therefore,
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Many thanks and best wishes,
Iza, Roberto Iza
Muy Señores Míos:
Algunos de nuestros comentarios incluyen vínculos rotos que bien pudieran llevar hoy a una tercera persona. Por tanto, le rogamos, por favor, que los deseche o desestime.
Gracias y recuerdos
Iza, Roberto Iza
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