2/03/2005

One of Us, One of Us

Milagros, the Mermaid Baby, is going to have surgery to have her legs split. I read this article and spent God only know how many hours googling Milagros and Sirenomelia in general, for the same reason that I read everything I can about conjoined twins, gigantism, and any other condition you might have seen on exhibit in a 1930s sideshow. I'm obsessed with that kind of thing, and I'm not willing to engage in the elaborate psychoanalysis necessary to figure out why. I also like photographs of horrible disfigurements and diseases. My current favorite is a book called The Dr. Ikkaku Ochi Collection, which is a collection of Japanese medical photographs from the late nineteenth century. It's got some serious doozies in it, tumors that defy the traditional fruit and vegetable taxonomy.

Another grotesque obsession I have is for photographs of dead children. I don't mean those horrifying pictures in the newspaper after the tsunami. I'm not a ghoul. Okay, I am a ghoul, but I'm not a monster. What I like are a very specific type of photograph. During the Victorian Era it was common to photograph children after they died, as a way of remembering and memorializing them. I saw my first collection of these at the Diego Rivera house in Guanajuato, Mexico and while I remember nothing about the art in the house, I can remember almost every dead child.

As I begin to write about this, I realize that I was equally obsessed with those photographs in the newspaper of the children who died in the tsunami. I stared at those photographs for far longer than I should have, allowing myself to linger in a way that felt prurient. This kind of creepy grief mongering feels much more acceptable when it takes place at a hundred to hundred and fifty year remove. Better to stop thinking about this and go back to the circus freaks...

My children would be disgusted with me. "There is no such thing as a freak," they would say. "People are just differently-abled." And I would agree, shame-facedly, while secretly programming TIVO to catch Freaks (1932). (Who can resist a movie with the tagline "Can a fully grown woman truly love a MIDGET?") It's terrible, it really is, this shameful curiosity. But don't worry. I suffer for it. I have to sit through Carnivale on HBO every week.

583 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

We must have been seperated at birth. I share so many of your obsessions.
It's eerie.
-B

February 3, 2005 at 7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should go see the excellent show of stagebills from Ricky Jay's collection, which is now showing at Yerba Buena. It includes things like this...

February 3, 2005 at 8:38 PM  
Blogger GraceD said...

Ayelet! Fer chrissakes, based on your last two posts, you're needing a tropical vacation! I recall from an email that you and your hubby are due for a trip to Big Island. Yes? Well, it's time to board that Aloha Airlines flight. Once you're there, avoid Molokai, where you might fall prey to an unhealthy obsession about leporsy. Like I am.

February 3, 2005 at 8:43 PM  
Blogger Jenny D said...

I am SO buying that book of Japanese photographs--I love that stuff.... Thanks for the tip.

Ayelet, I am sure you must have seen most of these already, but here are my must-see medical curiosities: the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia is TRULY amazing (I am especially fond of the wax models of syphilis-induced facial deformities), and there's a book about it too; the Hunterian Museum in the Royal College of Surgeons in London is staggeringly excellent (it used to be by appointment only, but I think it may be a bit easier to get in these days); there's a beautiful "Encyclopedia Anatomica" that reproduces the anatomical waxes in a museum in Florence; and a most WONDERFUL book is Armand-Marie Leroi's MUTANTS: ON GENETIC VARIATION AND THE HUMAN BODY, which won the Guardian first book prize & is a lovely read. (It includes an extremely disturbing picture of a pig with two snouts, in case you're curious. I gave a copy to one of my brothers for Xmas and he said he was really liking it but that it was so disturbing he could only read it in the afternoon, because it gave him nightmares if he read it at bedtime.) I also recommend Rachel Adams' book Sideshow USA: Freaks and the American Cultural Imagination.

February 3, 2005 at 9:18 PM  
Blogger Shane said...

How can you call yourself a bad mother when your kids have that anti-freak defense practically engrained in their nature? There's some good raising going on there.

February 3, 2005 at 9:52 PM  
Blogger Christine said...

I read this week's and last week's People magazine today, and one of them had an article about a woman in Seattle who photographs terminally ill children with their parents. Oh it was wrenching. It looked like it was mostly preemies. I don't even know how this adds to anything, but I thought of those old Victorian photographs. Weird to see it twice in one day.

February 3, 2005 at 10:41 PM  
Blogger Lucy Tartan said...

Ayelet, do you like photos of dressed-up cats too? ( "pelorian cats"?) Bet you do.

February 3, 2005 at 10:46 PM  
Blogger elswhere said...

Oh, God, "Carnivale." We started watching that and had to stop after the episode where the mission burns down. But yeah, the freaks are kind of fascinating.

February 3, 2005 at 11:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love momento mori photgraphy. I obsess about disease and dead children. I even look Jewish. We're twinsies. I just stumbled across your blog and I love it.

February 4, 2005 at 12:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Too bad you can't feed your fascination up-close and personal in one of your own kids. Ugh! You have a nice privileged life, why dontcha just enjoy it instead of writing stupid things about other people's real problems?

February 4, 2005 at 5:24 AM  
Blogger Sally said...

Here is that Mutter Museum book:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0922233241/qid=1107528207/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-9551816-0092950?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

I bought it for my mother a few years ago for Christmas. It is amazing and horrifying.

I'm a librarian, so when I feel the urge, I go get a reference book on skin disease off the shelf. Like you, I do not care to explore the reasons why I find disfigurement fascinating. Also: I used to work as a medical editor, and oh the photographs that accompanied the manuscripts! Of course I made copies. I have a whole file of putridness at my fingertips.

February 4, 2005 at 6:46 AM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

Oh gosh, I love you people. (Except for Judgemental Person who wishes death and disaster on Ayelet's children; nice, those are just the sort of values he/she wishes all us (we?) lunatics should be striving for?!)

Speaking of freaks, read Katherine Dunn's Geek Love. It's about circus people who deliberately try to disfigure their fetuses so they'll give birth to yet more freaks. OK, that's a quick synopsis, but check it out.

I'm off to check out the Mutter Museum book...

February 4, 2005 at 6:51 AM  
Blogger Jenny D said...

Yes, GEEK LOVE is a most wonderful novel that everyone should read...

February 4, 2005 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger Cara Black said...

Dead bodies...ok had to pipe up about the book Silent Witnesses, Photographs from the Amsterdam Police Archives from 1883 to 1993...perfect for a ghoul fix. Yeesh, it's got it all.

February 4, 2005 at 8:20 AM  
Blogger Cara Black said...

Dead bodies...ok had to pipe up about the book Silent Witnesses, Photographs from the Amsterdam Police Archives from 1883 to 1993...perfect for a ghoul fix. Yeesh, it's got it all.

February 4, 2005 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

Book Recs! How awesome. I'm Amazoning as I write this. Um, did that person actually wish a hideous mutation on one of my children? I'm sort of stunned. Well, okay. Note to self...Remember, you LIKE trolls. You LIKE trolls. Trolls are good. Trolls are fun. Jesus Christ.

February 4, 2005 at 8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooh, and since Cara's raised the crime photograph specter, let me recommend one more CRAZY book, Eugenia Parry's "Crime Album Stories: Paris 1886-1902." It's constructed around a weird found-object album of crime scene photographs taken by Alphonse Bertillon, and the pictures are truly shocking--but the narrative is really wonderful too. Here's the Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/3908247187/103-2094903-7832624

February 4, 2005 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Ericka said...

Oooh, Ayelet! If you are EVER in St. Petersburg, Russia, you have to go to the most amazing museum of all, Peter the Great's Kunstkammer. Starting from the early 1700s, Peter the Great collected "freaks and monsters" from all over the world. And they are still there. Conjoined fetuses and babies in glass jars. Double headed animals. Skeletons of giants. Dozens and dozens and dozens... it's quite fascinating and eery to walk through the dim galleries of this old building surrounded by three hundred year old dead, deformed babies. Yah. Everybody else I went with cruised through, nauseated, and then waited outside for, like, an extra half hour for me. I wanted to go back, but there were all those gaudy palaces to visit.

Also, featured is the collection of this Dutch anatomist, Frederik Ruysch, who cut off the heads and limbs of dead babies, injected them with die so they looked alive (almost) and then put strange little ruffles around their half heads and arms. I'm so obsessed with this (it's working its way into a story I'm writing) that I've bookmarked the museum. You can find info about it here: http://www.kunstkamera.ru/english/exhibition/anatom.htm

February 4, 2005 at 9:26 AM  
Blogger Ericka said...

Dye. Dye. Injected them with dye. Freudian slip.

February 4, 2005 at 9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and I have a deal for the New Year. We have to telephone each other if we're planning to spend more than $100 at any given time. Today's conversation will go like this: "Honey, I'm going to spend more than $100 at Amazon to buy books about crime scenes, anatomical oddities and Japanese deformities, OK?"

A few Christmases ago, my daughter, an apple who hasn't fallen very far from the tree, asked for something called GUS GUTZ as a gift. He's a plush toy with a big wide mouth and you can pull out his various internal organs. Much to my disappointment, the company which manufactured GUS had gone out of business. I did eBay, I did vintage toy sites, I drove myself crazy. I happened to mention my quest for Gus to a friend who works for a famous band and is almost always on the road. He replied that he had just seen a GUS GUTZ still in stock in the gift shop of the Mutter Museum. He and the band had whiled away a lovely afternoon viewing the misfortunes of others. (The museum recently got a grant for their new OB-GYN instrument collection database!) I telephoned the gift shop immediately and got my precious baby girl a GUS GUTZ. If she wants to pull out organs, then by gosh I'll support her.

The thing I love about Ayelet is that she's exactly the same as the rest of us but honest and direct enough to admit it. Once I made my husband, a scientist who doesn't read novels, drive downtown with my copy of Kavalier & Clay and sit through the reading and then have it signed by Michael. I couldn't go because I had a colicky newborn. Today I say, "Michael who?" I love Ayelet!

Don't forget to purchase your tickets for the Minnesota Public Radio's Literary Friendships Series on Feb. 16 in Minneapolis featuring none other than Michael Chabon and our very own (...sniff.) Bad Mother. She rules!

February 4, 2005 at 9:38 AM  
Blogger Psycho Kitty said...

Photographs of deceased relatives. Yeah, my mother has some of those. Freaked my crap out as a kid.

February 4, 2005 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger tshoaps said...

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0674012941/qid=1107545168/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/103-7080659-8667854

here is a book you might take a look at:
Alice Dreger's One of Us: Conjoined Twins and the Future of Normal
....she has another book about hermaphrodites.

I don't think an obsession w/ looking at deformities, etc. is odd. I think of it as a natural reaction to looking at that which we in public have to constantly pretend doesn't exist. Same thing with death.

Also I don't think looking at it any way not appreciating your life but more of the "there but for the grace of god go I" (not that I believe in God). Just a roll of the genetic dice.

On the other hand my husband is a doctor and all the way through medical school (and actually still) he insists on showing me pictures of 20 lbs. tumors and other medical oddities. To be a doctor you have to somehow have some weird fixation on the 'grotesque' but no one considers them weird freaks.

February 4, 2005 at 11:58 AM  
Blogger blackbird said...

YIKES. Am sittin here with the 5 o'clock glass of wine and some maudlin music on the laptop...yer scaring me and yet, I cannot look away....

February 4, 2005 at 2:50 PM  
Blogger Conjon said...

I agree that Geek Love is a great book. I am drawn to freaks and unusual people maybe because I feel like a freak sometimes. Who hasn't?

February 4, 2005 at 2:54 PM  
Blogger Rin said...

Ok ok... I confess I too have these fetishes as some have called them... perhaps this is why I am going into forensic criminology... just to see the weird and freaky... um... here's lil' tip, have you looked at www.rotten.com... if not hon, you will fall in LOVE!!!! Freaks galore! ;)

February 4, 2005 at 4:05 PM  
Blogger Salinas blogger said...

When I was a news reporter at the Criminal Courts in LA, the DA's used to delight in bringing the worst of the worst crime scene photos to the press room. As a parting gift, I was shown the Menendez photos in all of their full-color glory.

I had to put my head between my knees to keep from passing out. Kitty's head looked like an exploded watermelon.

But I understand the fascination. It's like a car wreck--you don't want to look, yet you can't look away.

February 4, 2005 at 5:39 PM  
Blogger Lucy Tartan said...

back again...Geek Love, well, I though it was OK. Didn't anybody else think it ran out of steam toward the end?
Anyone desiring to mask their freak obsession under a layer of nice scholarliness could do worse than "The Culture of the Copy" by Hillel Schwartz - interesting chapters on conjoined twins in general and Chang & Eng in particular.

February 4, 2005 at 8:24 PM  
Blogger posthipchick said...

you & amanda davis must have had that in common...
i was at mills while she was there & read 'wonder when you'll miss me', so i assume she had the same "interest".

February 4, 2005 at 9:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

another book (that i thought was out of print -- we stock up on copies whenever we see them at yardsales) is Very Special People
by Frederick Drimmer.

it's awesome.

February 5, 2005 at 1:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As I said on my blog, I love you dearly, Ayelet, but not only do I not share this interest, but choose to stay as far away from this stuff as possible. I'm glad the comments show that you are not alone and hope you all are enjoying the camaraderie regarding this bizarre fascination.

(Those are my PC tolerant comments, while I'm really thinking, "You guys are sick puppies!)

Allison

February 5, 2005 at 3:42 AM  
Blogger Formerly Mrs. Kennedy said...

Three more:
"Special Cases" by Purcell -- encephalic skulls, hands with extra fingers, etc., but very tastefully done
"Evidence" by Luc Sante -- fantastic NYC crime scene photos from the early 1900's
And
www.rotten.com -- car crash photos, bloated bodies by the Ganges, things that it will take years to burn out of your consciousness

February 5, 2005 at 8:50 AM  
Blogger MB said...

I have to agree with my buddy Allison on this one (and here I thought that maybe I just wasn't cool enough...) But perhaps my distaste is because in my real profession (biological archaeologist) I work with real dead people all the time. Any novelty gets old very fast.

Or maybe it's because I gave birth to two little (autistic) geeks.

February 5, 2005 at 11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This might be a blog that would interest you because of the pictures. http://russian-terror-in-chechnya.blogspot.com/

February 5, 2005 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

AAK. MB, specializing in the dark humor, as usual. :)

February 5, 2005 at 3:16 PM  
Blogger Scarlett said...

Ayelet,
Can't say I share your fascination with the macabre, but get this week's issue of People mag - there is a feature on a woman who photographs dead children. Sounds just up your alley...
SM

February 6, 2005 at 2:29 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I share every one of these obsessions, although the conjoined twin obsession is not an obsession in the same sense; it's more like an irrational terror (that someday I might wake up and find myself permanently attached to my own clone, that I might give birth to conjoined twins).

I find dead outlaw photographs to be more interesting than dead baby photographs, though.

February 7, 2005 at 7:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Bad Mother,
Where are you? It was a posting a day, sometimes two or three, then yer in the NYT, then phfffft ..... days w/o a word. I for one was getting into a rhythm with reading your posts so please come back, I miss you.

Sincerely,
Haggis Du Plenty

February 7, 2005 at 11:22 AM  
Blogger Kristen F said...

Hi everyone,

I just discovered this blog and am really enjoying it. I also fall into the category of "Previously into Michael, now into Ayelet".

There was a great exhibition of photographs of the dead here in Boston a number of years ago. The book from the exhibition is called "Looking at Death" by Barbara Norfleet.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0879239646/morticiasmo0a-20/103-9029285-5383013

I, too, remember the Victorian photos of children most vividly. And when I posted a photo of my sleeping child today, I was worried that maybe he looked dead. Am I so afraid of death that I don't even like photos of sleeping children? How sad is that.

February 7, 2005 at 1:50 PM  
Blogger Mandible said...

Hi, Ayelet--

If you happen to make it down to L.A. in the next couple of months, you should check out the "Body Worlds 2" exhibit at the California Science Center (http://www.californiasciencecenter.org). A German anatomist developed a technique for embalming corpses with transparent plastic, which allows them to be arrranged in different poses, cross-sectioned, etc. The Body Worlds 1 exhibit, which just closed (I think it's running in Chicago now), was heavy on the artsy-macabre, with displays like the flayed corpse holding his own skin and a man on an embalmed horse holding a brain. The gross-out prizes went, by popular opinion, to the smoker's blackened lungs and the pregnant woman in cross-section--apparently there was an attempt to ban the exhibit in Britain. I guess in LA people have so much plastic in their bodies already that they aren't bothered by looking at it in other people's...

February 7, 2005 at 4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello -- Your last post struck me because I also share a fascination with the unusual. I am squeamish about viewing images of severe disfigurement or disease, but at the same time, too curious to look away. For me, the interest lies not only in the biology of it, but how society chooses to treat difference or label people as outcasts or freaks.

Anyway, I thought you might find this book interesting --"Freakery: Cultural Spectacles of the Extraodinary Body"
http://www.nyupress.org/product_info.php?cPath=&products_id=351

And P.O.V. launched an interesting site last year on Home Burials. (Weird, I know ... I'm honestly not obsessed with death or anything, but the 19th practice of photographing dead loved ones both creeps me out and intriques me.) This P.O.V. feature includes a photo gallery of 19th century funeral images.
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2004/afamilyundertaking/special_gone_01.html

February 8, 2005 at 6:10 PM  
Blogger BabelBabe said...

Scene of the Crime: Photographs from the LAPD Archive

I love the Publishers Weekly review on this one: "gorgeously lurid." I got it from the library (my librarian must think I am a total fruitcake at this point), and it is stunning.

I admit to feeling as if I am tempting fate looking at any of this stuff. My two kids are gorgeous and healthy but that could change at any moment. And it would be *all my fault* for goggling over pictures of dead bodies and deformed people. Let's not even contemplate what it's doing to the baby I'm carrying. Most children get Beethoveen in utero; mine get the Mutter Mueum.

February 8, 2005 at 7:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know you've stopped blogging, Ayelet, and that this thread is old, but saw this and thought of this post and comments:

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/7011586

Egypt baby improving after extra head removed.

There's a photo--a pretty child with a second head that could smile and blink, but never developed a body.

February 25, 2005 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Kristen said...

Hi. If you ever come back and read your comments - you're not alone on this one. Lots of people are into grotesqueries. Myself included, to an extent. I'm trying to put the energy into writing horror movie scripts.

Freaks is great. Sometimes I walk around saying "One of us, one of us." Then I realize nobody knows what the hell I'm talking about. I often suffer from the delusion that everyone on Earth has seen every movie I've seen and read every book I've read.

There's the way the world IS and the way the world should be...

If you haven't read David Skal's nonfiction books about Tod Browning and about the evolution of sci fi and American gothic horror, you should. Fun stuff.

March 8, 2005 at 9:27 PM  
Blogger tragicpuppet said...

And here I thought I was alone in my obsession with freaks (and I say that lovingly) and dead things... Oddly I found this blog looking for more information on the Peruvian "mermaid baby", go figure.

I too have an odd fascination with the pictures of dead children taken long ago. I had found a site that I think was Japanese, though I could be wrong on that, of an artist that sculpted porcelain dolls based on those photographs. I had tried contacting said artist to inquire purchasing one of the dolls (they were breathtakingly beautiful). Alas my hard drive crashed and I lost all of my bookmarked sites, that one included. If anyone reading this thread knows that of which I speak please let me know!!

At any rate, it is good to know I am not alone in my fascination with the oddities in life...

May 31, 2005 at 8:57 AM  
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August 7, 2005 at 4:25 PM  
Blogger shrutified said...

Did you see 'elephant man', the david lynch movie?? I'm sure you did and enjoyed the experience of blubbering through the latter half... :)
i also found this book fascinating: The face of madness: hugh w. diamond and the origins of psychiatric photography, in the late 1800s...it relates how mentally ill patients reacted to being photographed, the conception of madness at the time, and their strange and unfamiliar encounter with their own images. i painted some tiny images inspired from this book.

September 5, 2005 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger shrutified said...

also: maybe you'd find this funny/entertainingly bizarre..."grotesque taxidermy"!
http://www.acaseofcuriosities.com/

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