1/19/2005

Blogger Ethics

Am I'm doing something I shouldn't? Or not doing something I should? I know approximately 500 of you visit every day, so here's my question...why so few comments? Is it because I don't reply to each individually? Should I post more about the size of my butt (note plethora of comments on that day)?

By the way -- huge. Just in case you were wondering. But as Michael grew up in a truly integrated neighborhood, and had most of his first crushes on the girls he knew from school, he is not real interested in skinny white girl butts. Lucky me, because God knows I've got back.

How did I end up talking about that when I was supposed to be asking blogging etiquette questions?

491 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Ayelet...
I only found you recently so I am hanging back a little. When I first found a certain other blog, I commented on the first entry I found and was subsequently lynched by the adoring fans of the blogger. From this I learnt that you must get a feel for the blog, the person writing it and their usual philosophy of life before you start commenting (not just go with what you gained from the particular post you were reading).

So for my part, I am getting to know you a bit.

Secondly, I find even with my daily blogs, I only end up commenting when driven to it by the sheer hilariousness of the post or when they touch me emotionally. Otherwise, I prefer to just sit back and be entertained by someone more interesting than me...

PS am posting as anon because I don't have a blogger accoun

January 19, 2005 at 6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, you're doing fine.
I read very passively, in my down time after teaching and parenting and driving. It doesn't seem quite fair to just look in on the conversations, but I haven't put up a site and started sharing. Not sure what I'm waiting for.
I did mean to tell you that you were mentioned in the MN Star Tribune recently in Tobias Wolf's interview and your book is mentioned as a "must read."
Too tired to even think tonight.
kris

January 19, 2005 at 6:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're being a fine mom.

And those skinny white girl butts, they're out of style. Its all about the brown now adays. Trust me, I'd know.

--C.J. Beck

January 19, 2005 at 7:02 PM  
Blogger mishamarie said...

Ayelet,
I just signed up for an account so I could respond. Please don't stop writing! Write about your ass, abortion rights, books, the pros and cons of mini-van entertainment--anything! I have been reading your blog (and booklog) for months now and ADORE it! Ah, you make me laugh and think and raise my fist in solidarity. What with the moronic inauguration tomorrow, I know I will be visiting your blog for much needed balm.
Your fan the Seattle Librarian,
Misha

January 19, 2005 at 7:17 PM  
Blogger Psycho Kitty said...

I think lurking is pretty common not because people don't enjoy the blogger's (bloggist's?) writing but because commenting for the first time feels so much like gate-crashing. I know several of your commentors are personal friends, so sometimes when I happen to comment on several posts in a row I feel like the weird girl at the party who keeps interjecting totally useless information while other people roll their eyes. (And yet lookie lookie, I keep on doing it. Sigh.)

Also, the fact that you are blogging as a real person and as an established writer might be a bit intimidating? Personally, I'm *less* inclined to comment to someone like Grrl or Dooce--when 55 or 95 people are out there talking already, is there anything left to say? I have to feel pretty strongly about a post to comment on those blogs. Anyway, if that many folks are stopping by, I wouldn't worry that you're doing anything wrong.

But hey--by all means, post more about your butt! Even if you were posting that you had a skinny ass, I'd still enjoy the blog. But I'd be bitter. Oh yes, I'd be bitter.

January 19, 2005 at 7:45 PM  
Blogger becca said...

I've been reading your blog avidly since a friend told me about it a month or so ago (and she didn't even know I'd read your books). It's something I look forward to every evening (funny, bitter, angry, poignant--all the things I enjoy). I've thought about posting before, but I'm a SAHM and spend each evening desperately trying to get stuff done (and wondering how anyone with four kids can accomplish anything, when one is hard enough for me? Right now I'm typing furiously as I try to re-Ferberize my 19 mo who is screaming "mama, mama!"). Anyhow...my point is, keep up the good work. You have lots of devoted readers even if we don't get a chance to post much.

January 19, 2005 at 7:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been blogging for about a year and a half and share your frustration. I used to have regular meltdowns about my lack of comments, actually.

I see other bloggers ask the same question from time to time, so we are not alone by any stretch of the imagination.

I guess you have to figure out why you're blogging to begin with. For me, it's to become a better writer. So I just try to block out the lack of comments.

But you, you're already a great writer. I predict they'll wise up pretty soon and you'll be out Doocing Dooce by this time next year.

January 19, 2005 at 7:59 PM  
Blogger Girl Seeking said...

I just started reading you a couple days ago...

And I must confess, this blogger persona, it's a little bit of an alternate for me. I maintain another journal, in a different journal community, where I get and give lots of comments. It's a bit like a big noisy party over there...

Anyway, that kind of has to do with why I don't comment here (or much of anywhere except RenReb, and a couple others). I started this blogger blog to be about a contemplative thing (namely my return, or lack thereof in some eyes, to Judaism). And I've bookmarked a number of J-blogs, including yours, where I go to spend that contemplative time. To get into the J-blogging mindset. To escape the noisy party atmosphere.

And so I try to mind what I'm saying, and think about whether it's a useful contribution to the conversation...or whether I'm going to look like a fool. In your case I get even more contemplative, because I would like to "grow up" to be a writer. (I'm a twenty-something, and it's hard to think of myself as "grown-up" yet.)

So now I've left you a nice long comment, to which I'm sure there will be no reply (although if you did, that would be swell!) and I am going to feel quite silly. But now you know why I hesitate.

And if you ever have a chance, feel free to come over and read me some time. ;)

January 19, 2005 at 8:10 PM  
Blogger 21st Century Mom said...

I concur with everything everyone else said.

How can you tell how many people are reading your blog? Are you using the free version or the paid version? I have no idea if anyone reads my blog but I know for certain no one leaves comments. In my case it is undoubtedly due to a severe lack of content.

January 19, 2005 at 8:37 PM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

Way to feedback! Awesome. How totally cool. And I get it. After all, I read a bunch of blogs every day, and almost never comment, so what am I even whining about? I guess I was just doing a "shout out." Hey -- to the mama of the 19 month old. The same thing is going on in my house right now, except he's wailing, "Daddy, Daddy."

January 19, 2005 at 8:50 PM  
Blogger Jenny D said...

Well, I'm going to take this as license to post comments often on your blog. Which I love, as I've already posted before! You're kicking ass here, it's great--I love your bitchy first-person voice, keep it up.

BTW on your earlier post--DO please write that children's book if you can--and tell us more what it would be like! My particular addiction is smart YA fiction--in fact it was SUMMERLAND that I read & loved more than any other book I read that year & turned me on to KAVALIER AND CLAY and others. But little-kid children's books are good too...

January 19, 2005 at 9:11 PM  
Blogger EcamirG said...

I've never left a comment because I've just discovered your blog.

Not a great excuse, perhaps, but it's true enough.

January 19, 2005 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Ayelet,

I found your blog about a month ago and there are many nights in which the ONLY reason I get on the net is to read your blog. Tonight is truly one of them. I then felt guilty for just lurking and had to tell you that I was probably one of the first people to read your books and I actually found your blog while searching online for a release date of any upcoming books. Thank you for sharing your life and for being real. All mothers experience the same issues that you share with us each day and it is refreshing to know we are not alone. Until tomorrow......

Karinne

January 19, 2005 at 10:19 PM  
Blogger menina said...

hiya! I sometimes comment here, but I don't really comment much in general. I guess we all wonder why people don't comment (some blogs get TONS of comments somehow), but the fact is, many times I read something, ejoy it, understand it, feel for it, or whatever - but I just don't know how to put into words what I'm feeling when I read it.

~menina (http://menina.bakerstreetsystems.co.uk)

January 20, 2005 at 4:30 AM  
Blogger St. Casserole said...

I read your blog most days. Love what you have to say to us. I wish I knew you in person because your humor and observations are great.
Keep writing. I'm reading.

January 20, 2005 at 5:07 AM  
Blogger Alison said...

I have to admit, I've been lurking (regularly) ever since I found you through Allison's blog. Your writing is fantastic - so enjoyable! And I've finally figured out where I might know you from -- did you ever go to Gordon School?

January 20, 2005 at 6:20 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Ayelet, I wish I had as many comments as you do. Keep up the great work - so many people enjoy you.

January 20, 2005 at 6:44 AM  
Blogger Libby said...

Ayelet, I don't have time to write every day in my own blog, let alone comment on yours! But I do love it, and actually you inspire me to post more often on my own blog. So thanks, and keep it up!

January 20, 2005 at 6:55 AM  
Blogger stephanie said...

Ayelet,

I check your blog incessantly throughout the day :-). I try only to comment, though, when I have something to say. Don't want to clutter your blog up with comments just to comment! I will, though, put my butt against yours every day of the week ;-). Trust me on this- my best friend swears there must be a little african in me!

January 20, 2005 at 7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your Blog! It makes me think and it's informative and funny. I don't comment unless asked or the blogger seems to need some cheering up. You do a GREAT job!

ThatGirl of that33girlie@diaryland.com

January 20, 2005 at 7:32 AM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

Yes I did go to Gorden School! In 4th and 5th grade. You might remember that I was called "Lellie" back then. As in the "I Hate Lellie Club." Were you a member? :)

January 20, 2005 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger Alison said...

I remember you Lellie! I think we were in the same year. I have memories of playing with you and a girl called Jacey. So far as that club goes....couldn't have been me...don't think so anyway...hmm. You can ask Allison for a character reference - we were good friends in high school. And all the good stuff she says is true. :-)

January 20, 2005 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Ericka said...

...damn, Ayelet, we don't comment (or I don't) because you're so intimidating! Seriously. But as another East Bay writer and mother going through life with an R. Crumb ass and a trashed-inside-beyond-belief vehicle (mine's a Camry station wagon), I know what it feels like to put it out there and face the "Universal Yawn." Keep putting out. I'll try to comment occasionally.

January 20, 2005 at 10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love to check in, but don't always have the time to respond. So, my request is that you have faith that you have a faithful following. You have people!! We're laughing. We're crying (today especially). We're checking out your links. We're whining along with you, since we're all bad mothas in one form or anotha. Jackie

January 20, 2005 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger Thumper said...

I think I'm another one of the "I read but don't comment because I feel like a party crasher" people. And yet I get frustrated that no one comments on my blog, either. No one said we had to make sense of any kind... ;)

January 20, 2005 at 11:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ayelet, I read you most days but don't post because there isn't any real dialogue on your blog. You reel off some trenchant commentary on parenting or politics and get a few fawning posts from your readers in return. So much of your blog is personal, it's hard to respond without it seeming like a personal attack.

January 20, 2005 at 11:59 AM  
Blogger Cricket said...

Hi,
I haven't been a reader that long, but I have commented here previously. I'll be trying to catch up on the archives.

Not just with you, but I find that I seek some sort of acknowledgement when I comment something particularly personal or pertinent. When a blogger goes back to their comments and actually acts like they read them by responding somehow, it is the proper reinforcement for the commenting public to keep the comments coming. (I'm glad you're commenting within this post.)

I also find that I prefer a conversational facet to blogging. I do not like that I read and comment on a blog over time, then find myself frustrated that a fellow blogger doesn't take the time to read me in return. So I stop commenting there and stop prioritizing a read of theirs. I'm a good writer, cricketchurping.blogspot.com, and I figure reciprocation is a good thing - reciprocation in both reading another's and commenting in each others.

Maybe I'm off, but I do seek the cooperative side of this endeavor.

And for folks (both readers and "busy" bloggers)who say they have trouble keeping up with blogs, use something like Bloglines to keep you up on new posts with no effort. Here's mine:
http://www.bloglines.com/public/Cricket

Keep it coming.

January 20, 2005 at 12:35 PM  
Blogger TC said...

Ayelet, I'm begging you--BEGGING YOU--to be wary of the blogging trap so many other bloggers fall into, which is writing to try and get comments. You know, you realize you got lots of comments on the day your wrote about your butt, so you keep on writing about your butt. Even when you don't really have anything to say about your butt. And you don't write about the real stuff going on, because you don't get as many comments then. Wouldn't that be a shame?

I say this both as an enormous fan of yours, and as a fellow blogger who's been tempted many a time to post things specifically to get more than my maximum of 12 comments (grumble, grumble). Or to not post things because the last time I talked about that topic, I didn't get a single comment. It's not worth it. Don't do it. Please. I love your writing, and I love what you talk about, and I comment when I have something compelling to say, but I more often just read and admire.

In other words--or rather, in Billy Joel's words--don't go changing to try and please us...

January 20, 2005 at 1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just started reading a couple of weeks ago on a link from wampum. Now I have read "Nursery Crimes" and have the next 2 on order from the library ;)

Good blog :)

Phyllis (w/ plenty of back, too, and just a bit north of you, lost in the red Sac Valley)

January 20, 2005 at 2:23 PM  
Blogger Ayelet Waldman said...

OK. I get it. I'm going to take the Billy Joel advice to heart. And don't worry about commenting or not. I was having a needy moment. Also a jealous blogger moment. I don't generally need the fawning comments (although, please, fawn away if moved). Please feel free to troll, by the way. Or criticize. It makes me feel good. Reminds me of...well, I won't say, because what if she's reading this blog? Mom, how are you?

January 20, 2005 at 2:30 PM  
Blogger MB said...

Oh no! Et tu, Phyllis ;-)

Actually, comments, while highly desired, IMO, don't mean squat in gauging readership. Wampum is in the top .05% in the blogosphere, yet we regularly get half as many comments as you. If you really want to know how many people are reading you (and I would wager you have at least 1000 readers per day), I'd get a decent monitoring program. Many are free. (Forget Sitemeter, as is misses about 2/3rds of you visits.)

BTW, from a number of your recent posts, my spouse is convinced we were separated-at-birth. The minivan story capped it.

January 21, 2005 at 5:33 PM  
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